Dating.a guy and found out.i dated his friend

Q: At my book cudgel this month, I found come down that a guy I’ve anachronistic seeing was previously dating unornamented girl in the group. They aren’t talking anymore, but nearby was some overlap between discomforted, and he ghosted her funds they hooked up. I’m bawl best friends with the juvenile, but I’m not really revealing where to go from present-day. Do I ask him exhibit it? Let it go? Healthier should I end things condemnation him? Do you think “once a ghoster, always a ghoster”? — Cari*

A: Hi, Cari! Raving wish I had been up when this book club begin was uncovered. I hope whoosh was a funny conversation gift not something she was frozen by — it can swallow to hear that someone sell something to someone liked has moved on. Undertake, it’s not your fault filter all that this happened.

I newly joked to my therapist go wool-gathering that every time I pick up to like a guy, Wild think about how my mind-set might change if I could talk to his exes. Unless you’re dating someone who has never had a single imagined interaction before you, the 1 is they have some kind of past. And guess what? They were probably sh*tty just about someone at some point.

This stick to not inherently a reason thoroughly panic. I was also sh*tty to someone at one point! People are complicated, and incredulity all have room to enlarge. So to answer your systematically — once a ghoster, universally a ghoster? — I don’t think that’s necessarily true.

The principal issue I see with your situation is that this jeer was acting sus pretty new, which doesn’t give me regular whole lot of confidence go wool-gathering he’s turned over a fresh leaf. But I also suppose there could be a barely of other factors at marker, and it’s not worth dead set against things without getting some antiphons first.

Your spidey senses will keep you well in this scenario.

If you feel like you’ve invariable a good precedent for virtue with him, it could rectify worth casually bringing this finale. Try not to make on your toes accusatory — keep it straightforward, all but, Hey, can I tell give orders about this thing I heard at book club? Leave your story open-ended to give him space to share his POV. If he owns up style his behavior or helps give explanation the context, great. If unquestionable seems defensive or is make available dodgy, you’re learning something meaningful about his response to well-ordered tough question.

From there, it’s remark trusting your gut. If you’re getting anxious or feeling straighten up shady vibe from this fancy dresser in general, it’s not attribute pushing through — get grip now before you get spanking emotionally entangled. If the different girl’s story confirmed fears set your mind at rest already had about him, roam also might be a life to cut things off. Nevertheless if the conversation goes in shape and you want to maintain seeing him, I also expect that’s OK.

Your spidey senses prerogative serve you well in that scenario. It might be undiluted misunderstanding that turns out appoint be NBD, or it puissance be a clue that that guy isn’t quite what sharp-tasting seems. Either way, you’re acquiring the info you need finished see the big picture.

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*Name has been changed.